


The Thing Is

by hideeho



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Amused Carlos, Crossover, Healthy Male Friendships, M/M, Men Talking About Their Feelings, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Platonic Cuddling, jealous buck, line dancing, oblivious eddie, team shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25283224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hideeho/pseuds/hideeho
Summary: When Eddie's friend Carlos comes into town to escape a broken heart, Eddie has high hopes that he and Buck will hit it off and become friends.That’s all he wants, really. Two of his favorite people getting along.If he could just get Buck to stop glaring.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), past Eddie Diaz/Carlos Reyes
Comments: 360
Kudos: 786





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tarialdarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarialdarion/gifts).



“What are you two snickering at,” Buck asks suspiciously; which knowing Chim and Hen is more than reasonable. 

“We’re merely observing Eddie checking himself out,” Hen provides. 

“ _Again._ ” Chim adds, smirking as they all turn to watch Eddie fiddle with his hair in the side-view mirror of the engine, completely oblivious to his growing audience. Buck doesn’t see what the big deal is. Sure, Eddie isn’t normally one to check out his own appearance, which is frankly a shame when he looks like _that_ , but he’s not doing anything that would cause alarm. He’s messing with his hair. So what? “I wonder if he thinks if he pulls on it enough that he’ll get his boy band hair back.”

“He better not,” Hen declares, tilting her head to the side. “I like the buzzed look.”

“He looks good either way,” Buck defends, instantly regretting his choice when their amusement turns to him. Whatever. It’s not exactly a secret that Eddie is attractive. They all have eyes. “If you two are this bored you can help me with inventory.”

“Hey now, I’m just trying to see if I should raise my bet,” Chim says, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“What bet?” He knew they were up to something. 

“You see, Buckaroo,” Hen begins, leaning in with a conspiratorial whisper, “We couldn’t help but notice that the impending arrival of Eddie’s _old friend_ has him all flustered. Checking himself out. Making sure he’s presentable even if he’s not picking them up from the airport for _hours_.”

“And?” Buck doesn’t get it. 

“ _And_ ,” Chim sighs, as if he’s clearly missing something obvious. “An old friend is coming into town for two weeks to mend a broken heart. Eddie just _happens_ to be the one they turn to in their time of need? The same Eddie that has been checking himself out on any surface that offers a reflection.This is totally someone he has a history with. He’s flustered because an old flame is coming into town!” 

“Or an almost flame,” Hen interjects. “Depending on your bet.”

Buck can’t help but laugh. _That_ is the big conspiracy? Looking back over at Eddie he supposes he can understand the confusion. Eddie is still fiddling with his hair like it has a vendetta against him. If someone didn’t know any better it would appear that he was nervously fussing, but Buck did know better. 

This wasn’t some old flame coming back into town for two weeks. This was Carlos. Eddie’s friend. His very _male_ friend. The same friend that is coming into town to apparently escape some relationship troubles for a few weeks. He feels for him, he really does. He has also been on an undefined “break” and he knows from experience how lonely and isolating that can feel. 

He doesn’t know much about the guy, just that he’s a cop and Eddie thinks a lot of him. He pictures some sort of Walker Texas Ranger type. A male Athena in boots. He kind of hopes he brings a cowboy hat. Whatever he is, he isn’t some old love interest. 

“You’re all idiots,” Buck points out, rolling his eyes. 

“Care to put some money on it,” Hen challenges, the two of them looking at him expectantly. It really wouldn’t be fair, he did have inside information after all. Still, that’s what they deserve for placing a bet on their friend. 

Also for assuming Eddie hadn’t given him, his _best_ friend, the full scoop. 

“Sure, put me in for fifty. Old friend. Nothing more.” 

Easiest money he’ll ever make. 

And yeah, now that they’ve pointed it out Eddie does seem to be fussing with his appearance more than usual, but so what? It’s probably a coincidence. Even if it’s not, Eddie hasn’t seen this guy since he left Texas, it’s normal to want to look good. Not that he needs to worry in that regard. 

He’d tell him as much, but, well, yeah. Anyway. 

So what Eddie has spent the last few hours constantly straightening his clothes, or checking his reflection, or not-so-discreetly checking to make sure he doesn’t smell? Not that Buck is checking on him. Or spying. He notices things, that’s all. It’s Hen and Chim’s fault. They’ve got him looking for things that aren’t there. 

Again, not that he’s looking. 

He has better things to do than to watch Eddie fidget, thank you very much. Like greet the man walking into the station with a suitcase in tow. He’s clearly lost, but he’s sporting a friendly smile as he approaches. Buck wants to ask him how he managed to get that level of definition in his biceps, but first things first. 

“Hey man, can I help you?” 

“Ah, yeah, I’m actually looking for Eddie Diaz. I think he’s working today?”

“Who are you—”

“Carlos,” comes Eddie’s surprised shout from the top of the stairs. 

“ _Edmundo_ ,” the stranger declares, throwing his annoyingly impressive arms open as he rushes past Buck towards Eddie. 

Buck can only watch as they come together, arms wrapping around each other in a fierce hug. They fit together, heads tucked into each other’s necks as they squeeze each other tightly. Buck knows that hug; it’s usually reserved for him. 

So that’s Carlos. He’s not what he was expecting. He’s handsome, if you’re into tall, muscular types. He’s probably his height, just tall enough that Eddie has to look up a bit at him. His shirt is too tight across his arms and chest, his jeans tightly hugging every inch of him. For a state where everything is supposed to be bigger, they sure seem to have a shortage on bigger sizes in Texas. 

“Holy shit, man, look at you,” this Carlos person states, pulling back slightly from Eddie while keeping his hands on him. Familiar much? One hand rests on Eddie’s shoulder, the other lingering on his side as Carlos gives him the once over. Is he checking him out? He certainly doesn’t seem too heartbroken to him. “You’ve gone full buff dad! It suits you.”

“Shut up,” Eddie responds, rolling his eyes even as his cheeks tinge red. They’re clearly having a moment, completely oblivious that there are other people around them. Pretty rude if you ask him, but they’d have to remember he exists to do that. “Besides, you’re one to talk. I’m pretty sure your arms are as big as Christopher now.”

They’re not _that_ big. His are bigger. 

“Oh, you know, life as a cop. Always doing the heavy lifting.” Carlos smiles, all pearly white teeth and soft eyes and Eddie glows in his presence. “Not that I expect a firefighter to understand,” he teases.

Buck’s officially unimpressed. 

Eddie for his part doesn’t seem to mind. His hand is still on Carlos’ hip as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Buck’s quickly realizing that it is. Buck knows he and Eddie have a fairly tactile friendship, but this is something else. This is a level of familiarity forged over years and suddenly Buck feels like he’s on the outside looking in. Like maybe what they had isn’t as special as what he thought. 

Carlos’ thumb is rubbing circles in Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie visibly relaxes under his touch. And that...That’s just...It’s—

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

Judging by the way they snap their heads in his direction that might have come off as a touch harsh. Carlos looks at him patiently, refusing to rise to the bait. It reminds him of Eddie and it's another thing they clearly have in common. 

“I just mean,” Buck continues, tone a touch softer, “Wasn’t your flight coming in tonight? Eddie hasn’t finished his shift, so we’ll probably get called out.” That’s all he meant to say, even if he wants to ask Carlos if he’s ever heard of personal space. 

“Oh, I don’t mind. I wanted to surprise this guy in his natural habitat,” Carlos replies, moving to wrap a long arm around Eddie and pulling him against his side. Eddie is quick to return the hold, wrapping his arm low across Carlos’ back. “I’m Carlos,” he offers, reaching out to shake Buck’s hand. 

Buck takes it, squeezing a bit harder than necessary. “Buck.”

“Oh, so _you’re_ the Buck I’ve heard so much about.”

“You’ve heard about me?”

“Please don’t feed that ego of his. We can barely get his head in a helmet as is,” Chim mocks as he approaches with Hen and Cap. 

“Play nice, Chim. We have company,” Bobby scolds dryly from behind him, offering his hand out to Carlos. 

“He’s just jealous I won the bet,” Buck gloats, crossing his arms in front of his chest triumphantly. If that happened to emphasize his biceps so be it. Carlos wasn’t the only one with impressive arms. 

“What bet,” Eddie asks wearily, but with amusement in his eyes. 

“They thought Carlos here is an ex of yours.” 

Eddie’s eyes go wide as he darts a look at Carlos. Carlos, for his part, keeps his face perfectly neutral, clearly content with letting Eddie take the lead. 

“Well, actually, I mean…” Eddie starts slowly, scratching at the back of his neck. “Yeah, technically, he is. An ex, I mean. We dated way back in the day, but now we’re just good friends.” 

Buck can only stare at him. 

They—

Eddie and Carlos—

The _hell_? "For how long?" And Buck realizes he sounds demanding, but this is something Eddie could have mentioned to him. 

"What was it, nine months," Eddie wagers, getting Carlos' nod of approval. 

"We were young and dumb, and much better off as friends it turns out," Carlos offered. 

“And just how long ago would that have been,” Hen asks innocently, clearly narrowing down the winner of the betting pool. 

Eddie shoots her a knowing look, seeing right through her games, but acqueises. “More than a decade ago. Before Shannon. Carlos, I’m so sorry. I work with a bunch of nosy busybodies.” 

“Oh I don’t mind. I’m a big fan of anything that gets this guy right here flustered,” Carlos laughs, clearly fine with playing along. It’s good of him. Buck finds it incredibly irritating. 

“We like you already,” Bobby states matter-of-factly, clapping his hand on Carlos’ shoulder. “And I’m not just saying that because you won me two hundred bucks. Tell you what, I’m about to start dinner in a bit if you’d like to stick around. I’m sure Eddie can give you a tour until then.”

What the hell? Dinner is family time. They don’t even know this guy. 

“Cap is an amazing cook. It’s going to be far better than anything else I feed you while you’re here,” Eddie points out, arm still frustratingly slung low across Carlos’ back. 

“I really don’t want to put anyone out, but if it’s really no trouble, I’d be honored,” Carlos agrees, clearly content on making himself right at home. 

“No trouble at all,” Bobby assures him. “Eddie, why don’t you get him started on the tour? I’ll get started on dinner.” Eddie nods, moving to direct Carlos over to the trucks as if there is no one else in the room. As if he doesn’t even exist. “Buck, why don’t you take his suitcase to the locker room,” Bobby suggests as if he’s the goddamn valet. 

Buck can’t help but glare at this new stranger that is making himself at home in _his_ house. He can only stare as Carlos reaches out to muss Eddie’s hair. 

He hates him.

* * *

Eddie doesn’t know why he had been so nervous. It’s not as if Carlos cares if he’s having a bad hair day or not. He could pick him up from the airport in a garbage bag sporting a mohawk and Carlos would take it in stride.

It’s just…

It’s been almost three years since he saw him last. 

He had barely been balancing three jobs, two overbearing parents and a wife who had gone AWOL. Carlos had been there to let him rant, to help him sort through what he needed to do next. He never judged him or offered him pity. 

Eddie had been drowning on dry land and only Carlos bothered to offer him a hand. 

A lot has changed since then. He has a job he loves, the best son in the world and people that would walk through fire for him. He’s doing good. Better than good, most days. He needs Carlos to see that, maybe because Carlos was the only one who seemed to believe it was possible. Or he was, until he met Buck. 

God, he wants him to get to know Buck. He also wants to keep them as far away as possible. Carlos knows him too well; has already grown suspicious of his feelings from their time spent on the phone. Buck is a friend and only a friend. He doesn’t want to have to explain anything more than that. He doesn’t need another reminder of what he can’t have. 

But he doesn’t need to worry about that now. 

The great thing about Carlos is that no matter how long it has been since they’ve last seen each other, they pick up right where they left off. 

Carlos has always been tactile, generous with hugs and innocent touches. For a lonely kid that had spent his life touch starved it had been a revelation. Buck had reminded him so much of Carlos in that way, offering him a little piece of home without even realizing. It helped him feel grounded when everything else was new. 

He has never met this TK person Carlos had traveled here to forget for a bit, but he hopes he realizes what an idiot he is for taking Carlos for granted. Not that Carlos has said as much, Carlos is blinded by love, but Eddie can read between the lines. Carlos deserves the best because he’s one of the best. Eddie still can't figure why he ever gave him the time of day. Hell, he's lucky he still does. 

If Carlos needs two weeks in California to get away from his heartache at home then Eddie can provide the distraction. He can take care of him for once. It’s a small drop in the bucket compared to all the times Carlos has been there for him, not that Carlos is the type to keep track of debts owed. All the more reason to be there for him now. 

“And finally we have the kitchen.”

“What, no espresso machine?”

“Who needs an espresso machine when you have a Captain that might as well be a professional chef,” Eddie counters, having heard all about the new bells and whistles of the 126 back in Austin from Judd. He’d take his house any day, even if he knows Carlos is only messing with him. 

“Just for that, you get first pick of the burgers,” Cap offers from his spot by the stove, gesturing for them all to take their seats. 

Eddie takes his usual seat, Carlos grabbing the seat beside him before resting his arm on the back of his chair. 

“That’s my seat,” Buck says pointedly, looking at Carlos as if he had stolen the last brownie. Eddie waits for him to crack a smile and say he’s joking, but the comment lingers in the air. What in the—

“Don’t worry Carlos, we don’t actually have assigned seats,” Hen offers, breaking through the tension. “Buck here is clearly hangry. Come on, Buckaroo, you can come sit by me.”

“I’m not hangry,” Buck grumbles, but does as she suggests. Eddie tries to catch his gaze, but he’s actively avoiding him. Eddie tries not to show his confusion, wondering what the hell happened when he seemed fine an hour ago. 

“So, Carlos, what do you have planned while you’re out here,” Chim asks, leading the conversation as they pass around the food. 

“Not too much, really. Just wanting to catch up with this guy right here,” Carlos beams, squeezing Eddie’s shoulder with a smile. 

“Oh come on, surely you have _something_ planned,” Hen presses. Buck is still unusually silent and Eddie silently wills him to look up. Something was clearly wrong and he wants to press him on it, but not here in front of everyone. 

“Well, tonight I think we’re just going to take it easy, but tomorrow night I have been promised a trip out to the Cowboy Palace Saloon in the San Fernando Valley,” Carlos offers. 

“The line dancing bar,” Chim asks excitedly. 

“How do you know that,” Buck asks suddenly, finally looking up from glaring at his plate. 

“What? I can like line dancing.” 

“You? Line dancing. You,” Buck challenges, clearly not buying it. 

“Why is that so surprising, Buckaroo,” Chim huffs. “I love country music!” 

“Since when,” Buck exclaims.

“You’ve gone to karaoke with me how many times,” Chim responds, looking at Buck like he has grown an extra head. 

“And?”

“And I always sing a country song!” Chim looks at the rest of them, as if making sure he hasn’t lost his mind. 

“I don’t know what songs you're singing,” Buck shrugs. “I just thought they were oldies.” Chim lets out an exasperated sigh so fond that Eddie has to remind himself they’re not actually siblings. Buck brutally annihilates a leaf of lettuce with his hands as he turns to Carlos. “You came all the way out to California to go line dancing? Can’t you do that in Texas?”

There is a judgment there that Eddie can’t understand. It reminds him of his first day on the job when Buck seemed to be judging his every breath for a hidden agenda. He wants to call him out on it, to see what has him so rattled, but he knows better than to do it with an audience. Carlos, calm and collected as always, lets it slide. 

“I need to see for myself if Eddie is still a Texas boy or if he has gone full Cali, _brah_ ,” he teases, turning to Eddie with a fond look in his eye. 

“No one says brah,” Eddie points out, grinning despite himself. Broken heart or no, Carlos is the same old goof. He’s glad. “But yes, we’re going line dancing.” 

“I think it sounds like a lot of fun,” Bobby offers and Buck whips his head over like Bobby has offered to set himself on fire. 

“You should join us,” Carlos offers. He must pick up on the weirdness, observant as he is, but he plays it off as if there is nothing out of the ordinary. Hell, as far as Carlos knows this could be normal. “I’d love to get to know you guys better.”

“Oh, we wouldn’t want to get in the way of you two hanging out,” Hen starts, only to be cut off by Buck. 

“Sounds great.” 

Eddie can’t help but look at him in bafflement. Buck is volunteering to go line dancing? Is he on drugs? He didn’t think anyone had dropped off any baked goods…

“I’m in,” Chim announces, followed quickly by Bobby. Soon even Hen is agreeing to go if just for the blackmail material. 

Logically, he knows it doesn’t matter what they think of Carlos, but it means a lot that they all seem to want to get to know him. Okay, Buck clearly has something stuck up his ass, but maybe he’s just feeling him out. He’s sure he’ll get over it soon. Buck has a heart of gold. He has no doubt that he and Carlos will be thick as thieves given the chance. 

That’s all he wants, really. Two of his favorite people getting along. 

If he could just get Buck to stop glaring.


	2. Chapter 2

“And last but not least you have my room.”

“Jesus, Eddie. I’ve literally seen jail cells with more personality than this,” Carlos observes with a whistle, dropping his suitcase off in the corner. “How long have you lived here again?” His tone is teasing, an under layer of concern to his tone. At least there isn’t judgment. There never is with Carlos. 

“Long enough to forget how dramatic you are,” Eddie deflects, suddenly quite interested in straightening the perfectly aligned blanket sitting at the foot of his bed. 

“It looks like you robbed a dorm room. And don’t you dare blame being in the ar—”

“—In the army I learned to…” Eddie trailed off, almost sheepish under Carlos’ knowing gaze. Sometimes it was annoying how well he knew him. “Look, I have more important things to spend my time and money on.” 

“I’m pretty sure you can afford a throw pillow,” Carlos points out. 

“You people and your _throw pillows_. When did everyone decide that you can’t be an adult unless you have a collection of uncomfortable pillows that you’re never going to sleep on? I swear, between you and Buck,” Eddie grumbles, flabbergasted this was a conversation that kept popping up in his life. 

“Buck, huh?” _Fuck._ Carlos is looking far too pleased about that little slip. Not that it’s a slip. It’s not. He wishes it were. “And what exactly does Buck think of your bedroom?”

“Shut up.” Right, time to leave. Eddie makes a quick retreat out to the hall and towards the living room, knowing Carlos is not far behind him. 

“What? I’m curious! If he has been spending a lot of time in your bedroom, I’m interested to know what he thinks.” 

Eddie throws his head back, as if the strength of eye roll gives him no other choice. Carlos is about as subtle as Buck. “Nothing is going on so you can stop your investigation now, officer.” 

“Hey, I’m just trying to figure out if that is why he was trying to set me on fire with his eyes. Are you sure there isn’t something you’re not telling me?” 

“He wasn’t that bad.” Okay, they both know damn well that’s a lie, but whatever is going on in Buck’s head it has nothing to do with what Carlos is implying. “Fine, maybe he was giving you a _look_ , but don’t take it too personally. Sometimes he gets a little…”

“Territorial,” Carlos offers. 

“A little.” Buck wasn’t like this with Albert, but maybe that was because he was Chim’s brother? Eddie’s not sure, but he hadn’t expected Buck to react so strongly to Carlos. He honestly thought they’d hit it off right off the bat. They're similar in a lot of ways. “For what it’s worth, he was the same with me when we first met.”

“How did you win him over?”

“We pulled a live grenade out of someone’s leg. Should be easy enough to replicate,” Eddie says matter-of-factly, nodding his head as if fully committing to the idea. 

“Oh, well then, problem solved,” Carlos agrees with a chuckle, plopping on the couch and pulling Eddie down beside him. “What could possibly go wrong?”

“An ambulance could explode, but other than that…” Eddie can’t help but laugh as he relaxes against Carlos. There is nothing romantic about the way Carlos wraps an arm around his shoulders, but it soothes him like aloe on a burn. He had been doing such a good job of ignoring the hollow ache of loneliness that always seemed to be buried in his chest, but one touch and he is forced to confront how badly he has been missing being touched. No, not just touched. _Held_.

Maybe, just maybe, Carlos has been missing it too. 

Feelings and relationships aren’t his forte, but Carlos has always been there for him. He was there when he was figuring out his sexuality, always patient and unassuming. He was there for the good times with Shannon and the bad. It’s Eddie’s turn to be there for him, whether Carlos wants to talk or be distracted. Anything for him to feel better, even if for a little while. 

“How are you doing, Carlos? Really?”

“Why Eddie Diaz, are you wanting to talk about feelings?”

“Why Carlos Reyes, are you trying to change the subject? Oh, how things have changed.” 

Carlos huffs out a soft laugh. His eyes crinkle softly, pain evident in the slight downturn of his lips. Suddenly he’s far away, clearly thinking about something he left back in Texas. Carlos is the first to put himself out there regardless of the risk, the first to give his heart without fear, the first to get himself hurt. He’s a lot like Buck that way. 

Eddie is once again reminded that he can’t do anything to help either of them. 

People like Abby and TK don’t deserve them. Not that Eddie did either, but at least he had tried with Carlos. He really did try. 

“I love him,” Carlos says softly, biting his lip. “I really, really, love him. A part of me thinks it can still work. I realize I was the one to break it off, but I still _want_ it to work out. I just think...I think I came in at the wrong time, you know?”

“No, not really.” 

Carlos sighs, weighing his thoughts carefully before beginning to speak. “He was coming off a bad breakup. An overdose. A new job in a new town. A father with cancer. And maybe I didn’t know any of that at first, but I learned. I learned and I still tried to push something he wasn’t ready for. I could feel myself growing resentful for feeling like an afterthought. How selfish is that? He has so much going on, how could I expect him to—”

“Yeah, I’m going to stop you right there,” Eddie interrupts abruptly. He turns to directly face Carlos, squeezing his hand with one hand and resting his other on Carlos’ shoulder. “TK is a grown man. It’s not your job to figure out what he can handle. It’s his job to tell you if he’s not ready for a relationship. If he doesn’t have the time or interest to invest in a relationship then he needs to say as much, you got me? It's not selfish to need things in a relationship.”

“Jesus, you really are in therapy, aren’t you,” Carlos says with a wet laugh, blinking away the hurt in his eyes. 

“I’m not going to pretend I’m an expert in relationships, or even decent at them, but I do know that you deserve better than to feel like an afterthought. I don’t care what else is going on. You don’t have to be his only priority, but you should still be _a_ priority. If he can’t do that then you deserve better.” 

“It’s not that simple, Eddie.”

“Isn’t it?”

“He cares about me,” Carlos insists, still intent on defending him even after he broke his heart. 

“You can care about someone and still treat them like shit. I did with Shannon. She deserved better from me.”

“Hey, that’s not fair, Eddie, you did—”

“Not enough.” 

Carlos sighs, forever patient and forever giving the benefit of the doubt. “No one is perfect, Eddie. You can make mistakes and still be a good partner. TK is a good person.”

“Okay, he’s a good person, but he needs to be good _to_ you. I’m Team Carlos. I get to be mad at him for hurting you if I want.” 

“And if we get back together?”

“I’ll be happy for you, but if he hurts you again I reserve the right to hate him again,” Eddie says with a small grin. 

Carlos returns his grin, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t want you to hate him.”

“Always ruining my fun,” Eddie sighs, barking out a startled laugh as Carlos pokes his side, aiming right for his most sensitive spot. Dirty cheater. “Look, I don’t hate him. I just want you to be happy, that’s all.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Carlos grins, pulling Eddie back into his side. Eddie knows he’s not a small man, but he somehow manages to befriend people that make him feel tiny in comparison. He’s not sure what that says about him. “So, back to Buck.”

Damn it. 

“Heeding the very wise advice of a man in extremely tight pants, I’m not wasting my hopes on straight man.” Even if Buck isn’t straight, he’s not interested in him. That may be worse, really. Not that Eddie can blame him. Buck could (and should) have anyone he wanted, why would he want someone who has so proven himself so wholly lacking? 

“If that man is straight I will eat my hat,” Carlos laughs, easing up quickly as he senses Eddie’s growing tension. “Okay, okay, I’m done. I promise. Although, I bet he would look good in a Stetson.”

Eddie can’t help but groan. 

“Stop it, Carlos, I already know I’m bi.” 

Carlos’ laugh fills the room and Eddie takes the win.

* * *

Buck hates country music.

He doesn’t like the twang or the forced patriotism. 

He has no connection with the South and has never gotten the big deal about cowboys. 

He has also never seen Eddie painted into a pair of wranglers, flannel shirt giving way to a spattering of chest hair and sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He’s never seen the sharp tip of cowboy boots or the way a cowboy hat (Eddie owns a cowboy hat?) shadows across Eddie’s face, somehow making sharp angles even sharper. The denim of his jeans strains against the bulk of Eddie’s thighs, perfectly hugging the curve of his ass. 

So that’s what the fuss is all about. 

Carlos stands next to Eddie looking handsome and at home as he leans against him at the bar. They look good together. 

No one forced him to be here, but he wishes someone cared enough to convince him to come so he could blame this decision on something more than his desire not to be left out. Okay, Eddie had texted him to see if he was coming, but it quickly followed by letting him know he was excited for him to get to know Carlos better. 

He gets it, Eddie’s excited Carlos is in town. Eddie can have more than one friend. Eddie obviously has more than one friend. Buck’s just used to being his best friend. Buck has never been the best friend before. He could always make himself part of a group, but he has never been that _one_ person for someone. It’s hard to realize that maybe he still isn’t. That even now he’s close to being someone’s person, but not quite. It’s irrational and juvenile, but that doesn’t make the sting any less real. 

“Buck! There you are, I was starting to think you weren’t going to make it,” Eddie declares, coming up to wrap him in a hug. “Come on, we grabbed a table over there,” he adds, dragging him to where the rest of the team sits. Carlos is absent and Buck can’t help but feel a bit relieved to have Eddie’s attention for a bit. 

“You really went for it, huh,” Buck states, taking the opportunity to look him over and pointedly not letting his eyes linger anywhere too long. 

“You know it, partner,” Eddie replies, drawing out the words that make his stomach flip in a way that’s not entirely unpleasant. 

“Well you certainly pull it off better than Chim,” Buck grins, counting it as a win when Eddie laughs at Chim’s offended “Hey!” They share an amused look as Maddie is quick to defend her boyfriend’s honor and just like that things are back to normal for a moment. 

Just as quickly the moment is broken as Carlos drops off a tray of drinks for the table. 

Eddie is laughing and sharing a look with Carlos. It’s clear there is some inside joke that he doesn’t understand, a reminder that they have a decade of memories together that he can’t touch. 

“If you want to have a good night of line dancing you have to start off with a shot of top shelf tequila and follow it up with a can of bottom barrel beer,” Carlos explains, passing out the PBRs and shots. Carlos hands Maddie a bottle of water, annoying in his thoughtfulness for her pregnant state. Who is he trying to impress, anyway? “Bottoms up!” 

The team raises their shot glasses in a toast before downing them. Buck follows suit, wincing at the burn. Soon they’re all piling out of the booth and he doesn’t know what they’re all so excited about. 

“Buck, you coming,” Eddie asks, hesitating at the edge of the table. 

“Maybe in a bit. Headache,” he lies. Eddie looks concerned and a vicious part of him takes the victory where he can. 

“If you need to head out…” Does he want him to head out? Would Eddie even notice if he left? If he had never shown up at all? 

“I’ve got some tylenol in my bag,” Maddie interjects, resting her hand on his elbow. “Why don’t you go join the others, Eddie? We’ll be there in a bit.” He looks like he wants to argue, but he nods his consent, shooting one more concerned look in Buck’s direction before heading out onto the dance floor. “So, you want to tell me what that was all about?”

“What?” Buck has no problem playing dumb. Maddie is unimpressed. 

“You’ve been sulking since you walked in. Chim said you were pretty short with Carlos when he came by the station. Does your bad mood have anything to do with him?”

“Chim has a big mouth.” 

“Was he wrong?”

No, he wasn’t, so Buck doesn’t say anything. 

He looks down at the dance floor; watches as Eddie, Carlos and _Chim_ , break down the steps for the rest of the team. They’ve clearly done this before. Maybe this had been a regular date night for them. Maybe they fell in love buzzed on tequila and cheap beer. How could he compete with a decade of memories and inside jokes? How could he compete with someone who is a walking memory of home? 

“Hey baby brother, where did you go,” Maddie presses gently, turning his focus back to her. “I’m starting to get worried.” 

“You don’t have to be worried. I don’t like the guy, that’s all.” 

“Did something happen?”

Like a bystander drawn to a gruesome wreck, he can’t help but look over at them. He knows he won’t like what he sees, but somehow he can’t bring himself to look away. They’re standing close, comfortable, Carlos and Eddie each doing this ridiculous little shoulder shimmy at each other. Eddie throws his head back in laughter, practically _howling_ with it, and Buck tries to think of a time he made Eddie laugh like that. 

Nothing comes to mind. 

“I just…” He starts, trying to put into words just what about Carlos rubs him the wrong way. Could no one else really see what he sees? “ _Look at him._ ”

Maddie obliges, looking over to where they’re now dancing. Eddie is scrunching his face in faux seriousness, moving with a confidence he hadn’t expected from him. Which is silly, perhaps, Eddie always does everything with a calm grace. Why should dancing be any different? He knows he doesn’t know everything about Eddie, but being confronted with yet another side of him he doesn’t know makes him feel even more removed. 

He's loose and happy, a sight that's rarely given. It feels wrong to interrupt them, to steal that little pocket of joy from his best friend. As if sensing his thoughts Eddie turns his gaze his way, looking almost hopeful as he catches his eyes. Soon Carlos is standing behind him, hand resting gently on the small of Eddie’s back as he gestures for them to join. Buck turns away. 

“You’re going to have to help me out here, Evan, because I’m clearly missing something.” Maddie looks like she wants to say something else, like she’s biting her tongue to let him reach a conclusion she clearly thinks he should have already reached.

Buck hunches his shoulders, leaning towards her with his hands in front him, as if gesturing will make the words come easier. “Carlos comes all the way out here because he broke up with his boyfriend, right? Does he seem heartbroken to you? Every time I look at him he’s smiling and having a grand ol' time.” 

“That doesn’t necessarily mean—”

“And he’s always touching Eddie. I can’t look at him without his hand being _somewhere_ on him. So why is he really here?” A part of him realizes he must sound insane, but it’s how he feels. He has had a lot of time to think about it in the time usually filled with texts from Eddie. “Because it seems to me there are two options. One, he is hoping to use Eddie as a two week rebound and Eddie deserves so much better than some guy coming in here and playing him like that. He’s not a casual fling kind of guy. He is all or nothing and if this guy thinks—” 

“ _Evan_ ,” Maddie interrupts, loud enough that the table next to them looks over. “Eddie is an adult. Like you said, he’s not that kind of guy so I doubt he's about to—”

“Which leads me to option two,” Buck interjects, unable to stop the words now that they’re spewing from his mouth. “Maybe it’s not a rebound. This is probably the first time they’ve both been single at the same time since they split, right? What if he realizes that he’s never going to find anyone better than Eddie? What if he’s trying to win him back? He’s always talking about how great the station is in Austin and now he’s taking him _line dancing_ to remind him of all the fun things back at home!” 

Buck is forced to take a breath and Maddie seizes the opportunity to get a word in. “Take a breath, okay? I think maybe you’re reading too far into things. Eddie has a house here, his family, Chris is doing well in school. Has he ever even expressed an interest in going back to Texas?” 

“No, but…”

"So there is no real reason to think Eddie is going anywhere. Or that Carlos is here for any other reason than to visit his friend." 

“Are you two ever going to join us or is Buck too busy being jealous,” Chim pops in, clearly unable or unwilling to read the room. Maddie shoots Chim an exasperated look which he promptly ignores. 

“I’m not jealous.” That may have come out slightly whiner than he intended, but Chim doesn’t need to _laugh_. 

“Sure you’re not, Buckaroo. You’re being completely normal. Not sulking at all.”

“Be nice,” Maddie chides gently, but she doesn’t look like she disagrees. 

“Like I said, I have a headache. I’m going home.” 

“Buck, come on, it’s early. Give it a chance,” Chim urges and maybe he’s being ridiculous, but he can’t seem to stop. 

“I’ll see you guys later.” He makes his way out before they can protest. He doesn’t say goodbye to anyone else. 

He spends the Uber ride home wondering if they even notice he’s gone. Do they even care? It’s hard to think they do as he watches their night unfold on Instagram; a series of photos of them having the time of their lives without him. 

He should have stayed. He knows he should have stayed. He resigns himself to a night tossing and turning about it; completely missing the six missed texts from Eddie.


	3. Chapter 3

“No devices at the table, young man. Do I need to take your phone away,” Eddie smirks, dropping down a bowl of cereal in front of Carlos. 

Carlos doesn’t even have the decency to look sheepish at being caught before arching a perfectly groomed brow in amusement. “Pot. Kettle.”

Fair. 

“Would you believe me if I said I was waiting for an update from Chris?”

“With that pitiful look on your face? Not a chance.” 

Worth a shot. 

“I want to make sure he’s feeling better, that’s all.” It’s different. It’s not as if he’s pining after Buck, hoping that he’ll think about him long enough to send him something as simple as an emoji. He’s concerned about him, that’s all. Eddie bites into his piece of toast, blaming his sense of queasiness on a night of nursing tequila and not Buck’s growing silence.  
“Do you want to stop by and check up on him before we pick up Chris? I can stay in the car,” Carlos offers, sipping at his cup of coffee. 

“Why would you need to stay in the car?”

“I have a funny feeling his headache had something to do with me.”

Eddie sighs. He doesn’t want it to be true, but he also doesn’t want to discount what Carlos is feeling. He’s not blind. He knows Buck has been acting strange, but he also knows there isn’t a malicious bone in Buck’s body. “We just need to give him a chance to hang out with you on a smaller scale. No more group settings. He didn’t like me until we worked one-on-one.” 

“Or you could accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me.”

“Nonsense,” Eddie scoffs. Carlos is important to him. Buck is important to him. They don’t need to be important to each other, but he wants them to at least get along. He spent years with someone his family didn’t approve of; he doesn’t want to do that again. Not that he’s with Buck. “We still have the grenade contingency plan,” he adds dryly. 

“Whatever you say. At least I know of one handsome young man that’s excited to see me,” Carlos grins, bringing a smile to Eddie’s face. 

“Oh, I fully expect to cease to exist as long as you’re here,” Eddie laughs, knowing Chris is jumping out of his skin to see Carlos. The only reason they had any time to hang out alone was because he already had a sleepover scheduled. Not that he minded. Chris has a way of cheering up even the most battered of hearts and for all his smiles he knew Carlos was hurting. 

“Maybe I can have Chris put in a good word for me.” 

“Couldn’t hurt,” Eddie agrees. He knows Carlos is joking, but he has yet to see Buck deny that kid anything. He can’t miss the way Carlos is tapping the table, his fingers clearly itching to check the device that hasn’t dinged or vibrated once since the last time he looked at it two minutes ago. “You’re dying to check your phone, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” 

Eddie can’t help but roll his eyes. “Weren’t you the one who told him you needed space?”

“Shut up with your logic,” Carlos groans, rocking forward to knock his forehead against the table. He sits back up, running his hands through his styled hair. “I wanted space. I _want_ space. I also want…”

“For him to be thinking about you?”

“Yeah,” Carlos admits with a sigh. 

Yeah, he knows the feeling.

* * *

Buck wakes up more tired than when he went to sleep.

His phone mocks him with what might have been and he knows he should respond to Eddie, but his guilt stills his fingers. What is he supposed to say? _I’m sorry I can’t handle the fact you had a friend before me? I’m sorry I feel threatened by a decade of memories I didn’t know I had to compete with?_

He knows Eddie isn’t pitting him against Carlos. He _knows_ this, damn it, but his brain doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to be acting like this, but it’s like someone else has taken over his body. Even that’s bullshit, isn’t it? He’s in charge of his actions, but here he is, his insecurities crawling under his skin and turning him into someone he doesn’t know or like. 

The thing is, he knows how easily he can be replaced. He knows how easily he can be left behind. He has never been enough to make someone stay; he has only ever been good at showing people what they’d rather have. 

He should text Eddie. He should text Eddie and make sure he isn’t mad at him. 

Fuck, he should be mad at him. Buck would be mad if he were in his shoes. 

He should text him. No, he should call him. No, no, definitely, text him. Before he can decide there is a knock on the door and he takes the stairs of his loft two at a time to reach the door as fast as he can. 

“Hey I’m sorry for last night,” he begins, stopping abruptly when he realizes just who is at the door. 

“Not who you were expecting,” Athena observes with a knowing look that seems to go right through him. 

“I have a feeling he was expecting someone prettier,” Hen muses.

“You’re both pretty,” Buck replies meekly, torn between his confusion on why they were here and disappointment that it wasn’t Eddie. He should have known, Eddie never knocks. He doesn’t need to. 

“Pretty enough to let us in or are you waiting for a password?” Athena doesn’t wait for a response before gently pushing him back, both women letting themselves into his apartment. 

“I’m sorry, I just...I mean...Why are you here? Not that I don’t want you here. Just. Why,” Buck fumbles, trying to make sense of this sudden change of events. 

“We figured after last night you could use a friend,” Hen explains, making herself comfortable at his dining room table. 

“I had a headache.”

“Liar,” Athena responds, sitting herself next to Hen. Just like that he is sitting across from them like he’s in an interrogation room and they’re playing good cop/bad cop. 

“I’m not—” Who is he kidding? Certainly not the two women in front of him. “Why? What did it look like?”

“It looked like a cowboy strolled into town and you were ready for a shootout,” Hen grins, no judgment in her tone. Jealous. They’re saying he looked jealous. Buck groans, burying his face in his hands. He is going to be the first known case of dying of shame. Here Lies Evan Buckley: Absolute Idiot. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re human. It happens,” Athena assures him, tapping his ankle lightly under the table with her foot. He pulls himself up to face them, cheeks colored with embarrassment. 

“Was Eddie mad?”

“No. He was _worried_ ,” Hen states and that somehow makes it even worse. “It’s not like you to leave without saying goodbye.”

“I know, I know, I just—” Buck’s not really sure how to finish that sentence. I’m upset because I want to be Eddie’s bestest best friend? I don’t want to share him? I don’t want him to like Carlos more than me? 

It is all so stupid. He’s being stupid. 

“Look Buckaroo, we’re here because we care about you,” Hen assures him. “If you’re feeling this strongly, maybe there is more to it than even you realize.” And what the hell does _that_ mean? “You don’t have to explain anything to us, but you should probably talk to Eddie. He was really excited for you to get to know Carlos better and you ghosted. How would you feel if you were him?” 

Pissed or hurt. He really hopes Eddie’s not hurt. Hurt would be so much worse. 

“No one is saying you have to like the man, but I bet it would mean a lot to him if you’d at least give him a chance,” Athena offers. “For what it’s worth, I do think you’ll like him.”

“Not you too,” he groans before he can stop himself. 

“Yes, me too. That boy is hilarious. We’ve been texting each other memes all morning.” 

“I’m not sure that’s helping,” Hen points out, looking at Athena from under her glasses. 

“Look Buck, you’re a grown ass man,” Athena starts, her face set with exasperated fondness, “You can sit here sulking and feeling sorry for yourself or you can get to know someone who means a lot to someone you care about. Your choice, but I know what kind of man you are and I think you’ll make the right choice.” 

He texts Eddie.

* * *

“How’s your head,” Eddie asks as Buck walks through the door.

It feels weird, awkward in a way it has never been before and Eddie doesn’t know how to fix this. Buck is standing with his hands in his pockets, rocking on his feet like he’s ready to bolt at any moment. At least he’s here. 

“Oh, it’s fine. Eddie, I’m really sorry about last night and for not texting you back. Headache and all,” Buck adds weakly and Eddie can’t help but worry that he’s still not feeling well. Maybe that is why he seems off. Trust Buck to force himself to come over even when he’s not feeling one hundred percent. “It sounds like I really missed a fun night. Hen and Athena really had a blast.”

“It was a lot of fun, but it would have been more fun with you there.” Buck perks up at the comment, his smile holding more warmth as it finally reaches his eyes. Is it possible for a smile to make eyes appear more blue? Eddie’s starting to think so. “Maybe next time?”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely. Next time.” 

They stand there for a minute, smiling at each other before Eddie averts his eyes. “Want a beer?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before leading them back to his kitchen, looking over to check in on Chris and Carlos as they pass the living room. They’re huddled together on the floor by the coffee table, Chris half on Carlos’ lap as they work on a picture together. 

“Hey buddy,” Buck calls out. Chris pops his head up briefly, wide toothy smile as he waves briefly at Buck.

“Hi Buck! You can’t be here. Carlos and I are working on a _secret_ ,” Chris states proudly before turning his attention back to the artwork. Carlos also shoots Buck a wave and a grin which Buck returns. There is a slight tension to the set of Buck’s jaw that would be unnoticeable if he hadn’t spent so many hours observing him. Not that he’s being creepy. There isn't a lot of room in the truck, you get to notice things is all.

“Come on, let’s leave the artists to do their work,” Eddie urges. 

“So they seem to get along well,” Buck states as they enter the kitchen. 

Eddie can’t help but let out a bark of laughter. “I would hope so! He’s his godfather after all.”

“You’re not religious,” Buck declares incredulously. 

“Careful now,” Eddie whispers playfully, wrapping a hand around Buck’s impressive bicep to pull him in closer. “My abuela lives in this state. You trying to bring her wrath down on me? Not even Jesus will be able to save me if that happens.”

Buck’s stance softens slightly under his touch, but there is still something tense to his stance. “I guess I didn’t realize Chris has godparents.”

“Yeah, well, Shannon’s family isn’t religious so she didn’t care and it made my family happy. I figured what’s the harm? My godparents meant a lot to me growing up. We all need people to look after us. The fact my kid has you _and_ Carlos? Luckiest kid in the world.” 

Buck smiles and for a moment his Buck is back. 

“We’re okay, but you should really meet that kid’s dad.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty great,” Buck muses, trying to contain his grin by biting his lip. Eddie’s eyes can’t help but follow the moment, watching the way the flesh plumps against his teeth. It’s not his fault, it’s only natural. “Only person I know that can pull off a cowboy hat.”

Eddie can’t help but laugh. “You haven’t met enough cowboys.”

“I’ve met enough.” 

God, how he wants. He knows Buck is just teasing him. He knows there is no real intention or meaning to his words, but how could he not want there to be? 

“I’m not interrupting anything am I,” Carlos asks cautiously, hovering by the door. “I was sent in for apple juice. I was told it was crucial to his process.”

“Well, if it’s crucial to his process,” Eddie relents, knowing damn well his son was playing Carlos like a fiddle. 

“Hey man, I’m really sorry about last night,” Buck says to Carlos as Eddie walks over to the fridge to grab them more juice. 

“No worries. Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah, yeah I am. Probably better than you after spending the night on that couch. I know how uncomfortable it is for sleeping.” 

“That’s why he’s crashing with me,” Eddie states, turning back around to two people looking at him like he’s grown a second head. He doesn’t know how, but he’s fucked up.

* * *

Carlos is crashing with Eddie.

He’s crashing with Eddie. 

He’s sharing a bed with Eddie. 

For two weeks. 

Cool.

Cool, cool, cool. 

“You guys really are close,” Buck says, because what the hell else is he supposed to say? He didn’t say anything about the new picture on the fridge. It’s a picture of Chris, his dad and one of his dad’s friends, but where there is usually a figure with a pink crayon smudge over his eye there is now a tan figure with a police badge. It stings in a way he doesn’t have a right to, but he handled it. But this? This makes him snap. “Hey, you’re on vacation, right? What happens on vacation stays on vacation.”

“Buck,” Eddie states with a sternness that burns him. 

“What? I just didn’t take you as the type for a fling,” Buck says, setting Eddie up so perfectly. _Unlike you. Unlike you. Go on, Eddie, say unlike you._ But that’s not Eddie. Eddie’s not cruel. 

“Didn’t take you as the type to care if I was,” Eddie says patiently, not wavering in his eye contact.

“It’s just sleep,” Carlos assures him and he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want any of it. What did it matter if they shared a bed? They’re two adults. Two single adults with a past. Good for them. Great for them. None of his business. 

Hen and Athena would be so disappointed in him. 

Right. He can fix this. He can be an adult. 

“So, Carlos, how are you enjoying California,” Buck pivots, all forced enthusiasm. The tension hangs in the air and Buck knows it’s his fault. 

“It’s been good. It’s nice to put faces to all the names I’ve been hearing about. Eddie has told me so much about you. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to meeting the man that saved our Christoper,” Carlos says, offering him yet another olive branch. He’s so _good_ and it makes Buck feel even worse. 

“I didn’t actually save him.”

“You did,” Eddie corrects, looking at him so intently he can feel his heartbeat in his throat. 

The moment is interrupted by the buzz of Carlos’ phone. He reaches into his pocket, pulling it out quickly before reading it with a scowl. 

“TK,” Eddie asks, but Carlos only shakes his head. 

“Michelle.”

“Is TK the guy we hate,” Buck asks, trying to mend the bridge he set on fire. 

“Yes,” Eddie responds at the same Carlos says, “No.”

“ _No_ ,” Carlos insists again, rolling his eyes fondly. “Eddie is overly protective of his friends, but I’m sure you know that. One of the many great qualities he has in common with TK.”

“I don’t have anything in common with that guy,” Eddie gasps, all mock horror. 

“I’m sorry, remind me again when you met him? You have a lot in common with him,” Carlos replies, the two of them exchanging a natural banter he can only watch unfold. 

“I have _nothing_ in common with him. Okay fine, we’re both firefighters. And we’ve both been shot, but to be fair neither applied to me when we dated.”

“He wasn’t shot until after we started dating so it technically doesn’t apply to him either.”

“Everyone you date ends up being shot, huh? You should come with a warning,” Buck inserts, wanting so desperately to be included. It’s only after the words leave his mouth that he realizes his mistake, watching as Carlos winces at his words. Carlos just broke up with someone and he said he should come with a warning. What the fuck is wrong with him? “No, I didn’t mean it like—”

“I better get this juice to Chris. He’s been waiting,” Carlos states, his smile forced as he leaves the room without waiting for any sort of response. 

“Eddie—”

“He has been nothing but kind to you,” Eddie says, his voice tinged with anger. “He’s one of my _best_ friends and you’ve treated him with nothing but hostility since he got here. I tried to make excuses, but he doesn’t deserve that, Buck. He’s a good person.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m really sorry. I know I’ve been a jerk, I just…”

“What, Buck? _What_?”

“I don’t know. I got jealous,” he stammers, desperate to make Eddie understand what he doesn’t understand himself. He knows how protective Eddie is of the people he cares about, he knows how much he has screwed up. He can’t lose Eddie. He _can’t_. “I saw you with him and I don’t know. I guess a part of me was worried about his intentions.”

“His _intentions_?” 

“Yes, his intentions! I know rebounds, Eddie. I spent years being the rebound and I was worried that was why he was here. I was worried he’d hurt you.”

“What are you even talking about? There is nothing romantic between me and Carlos.”

“I thought you wanted—”

“I want _you_ ,” Eddie shouts and it’s as if Buck’s putting on glasses for the first time; his entire fuzzy world coming into crystal clear focus. He’s in love with Eddie. He’s in love with Eddie and Eddie wants him back. They can have this. They can have everything. “—I want you to leave.”

Oh. 

“I want you two to know each other, but until you figure out whatever is going on with you I just think it’s easier this way,” Eddie adds when Buck doesn’t speak. How can he when his heart has been ripped up through his throat leaving him hollow and numb? 

He nods, walking dumbly to the front door only to be stopped by Christopher. 

“You’re leaving?”

“He has a headache,” Eddie says from behind him. He deserves that. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe this will make you feel better,” Chris offers, handing him the picture he had been working on. It’s the four of them smiling and his stomach drops. 

He could have had this, but he has gone and messed everything up. 

He always does.


	4. Chapter 4

_I want you. I want you. I want you._

His own words haunt his mind on repeat, taunting him in the private moments he fails to fill with anything else. He never meant for Buck to find out that way. Hell, he never meant to tell him at all. Eddie doesn’t allow himself many daydreams, but in the lonely hours trapped alone with his own thoughts his mind likes to wander. He has thought of what it could be like if Buck took the news well; he has thought of all the ways it would go horribly wrong. 

This is worse. 

This is worse because it’s real. He told Buck he wants him only to be met with a wide-eyed stare; brilliant blue eyes blinking at him without a word. How long had Buck stood there staring at him? Ten seconds? Thirty? A minute? Long enough for the panic to claw at Eddie’s throat, to hurtle into asking Buck to leave before he could reveal anything else. 

The words had ripped from his chest and try as he might to force them back in the shrapnel of his confession left his heart exposed and shattered. 

He wanted Buck. Buck didn’t want him. 

He knew this yesterday, a week ago, from the day they first met and still it burns. 

He can’t be mad at Buck for not returning his feelings, but he can be mad at how he has treated Carlos. It’s nothing compared to the anger he feels towards himself for not putting a stop to it sooner. Carlos came out here to get away from his troubles, not to be dragged into the middle of Eddie’s shit. 

If he hadn’t pushed, if he hadn’t insisted they get along Buck wouldn’t have felt cornered and Carlos wouldn’t have been put into an awkward situation he never asked for. This is Eddie’s doing, because he’s a selfish prick. They both deserve a better friend than him. 

Eddie knows he has fucked this all up, but he’s not going to wallow in feeling sorry for himself. Carlos came out here to escape and he can do everything in his power to make sure the rest of his stay is one he can enjoy. 

He’s not wasting another second checking his phone. 

He’s not wasting another second thinking about someone who doesn’t want him. 

He’s not.

Eddie closed the door on Buck and he put that moment, that fight, his feelings, all of it tucked into a tiny box in his mind and slammed the door shut. The next five days are a blur of twenty-four hour shifts and sightseeing. He fills every moment with _something_ so he has to think about nothing. 

They take Carlos to the Griffith Observatory, Venice Beach, and every other cheesy tourist activity they can think of. He lets Christopher eat a month’s worth of sugar at whatever food truck smells the most promising. He does whatever he can think of to bring a smile to Carlos’ face. 

It’s working. 

It’s mostly working. 

Except those small moments when Carlos looks right through him with a sad smile and an unspoken promise that he’s there if he wants to talk. 

He doesn’t want to talk. 

This time is about Carlos. He’s done wasting his friend’s visit talking or thinking about Buck. 

He knows eventually he’ll have to sort things out with Buck, but later, after Carlos has gone. t’s all about compartmentalizing. He’s always been good at that. 

Buck’s text messages go unread.

* * * 

The universe is messing with him.

It has been almost a week since Eddie asked him to leave. Buck has had days to think about what an absolute idiot he has been. He had been such a dick to Carlos when the other guy had only ever been friendly. He’s not proud of it and he wants to make things right, but Eddie isn’t answering his messages. 

He’s trying not to be needy. He’s trying not to bombard him with messages or stopping by unannounced and unwelcome. Buck knows that Eddie will answer him when he’s ready, but when will he be ready? 

He can’t lose Eddie, not like this. 

Buck’s stomach is a mixture of guilt and anxious energy. 

He’s going to go over there. 

Should he go over there?

No, that will make it worse.

Can it get worse than absolute silence? 

He can feel the need to do something bubble under his skin; the impulsive devil on his shoulder whispering for him to do something he knows he’ll regret. 

He’s going to be good. 

He’s not going to do anything stupid. 

He’s definitely going to do something stupid. 

Which is how he finds himself knocking on a door at 10:00 p.m. before he can talk himself out of it. 

“Buck?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know I should have called. I just needed...I needed to talk to someone,” Buck explains, his words rushing out with nervous energy. Maddie looks at him sympathetically, ushering him inside. She’s wearing pajamas, her face free of makeup and it’s clear she was on her way to bed. “I’m sorry, Maddie, I don’t want to keep you up. Sleep is important for the baby. I should leave, we can talk some other time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Maddie urges, pushing him towards the living room and onto the couch. “No sense in you leaving when you’re already here. Besides, it’s good practice for staying up with the baby. Now, what’s wrong?” 

“I really messed things up with Eddie.”

“What happened?” 

“I...I—”

“Became a jealous rage monster,” Chimney offers, walking into the living room and plopping down on the couch next to Buck. 

“How did you know? Eddie tell you?” 

Chim smirks even as Maddie sighs. 

“You know Eddie, he’s a regular chatty Cathy,” Chim teases gently, ignoring Maddie’s exasperated expression. “Or it could be the fact that we have eyes.”

Buck drops his head in his hand, groaning loudly as Chim squeezes his shoulder gently. “Is it really that obvious?” 

“Do you want to be the one to break it to him or should I,” Chim asks, smiling fondly at the way Maddie shoos him to be quiet. They’re so natural together; not completing one another but complimenting each other. He wants what they have so badly his bones ache with it. 

“Evan, what happened,” Maddie asks without any judgment or mockery; forever his understanding big sister. 

“I went over to Eddie’s house and made an ass out myself. I was a jerk to Carlos. I _know _I was a jerk, but it’s like I couldn’t stop myself. I just got...I was….Look, I swear I was trying, but then I made a stupid joke and it came out all wrong. And I get it, I’d take it wrong too after the way I had been acting.”__

__“So how are you going to fix it,” Maddie asks, straight to the point and unwavering._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“You said it yourself, you were acting like a jerk so how are you going to make it right?”_ _

__“I don’t know! I tried calling him and leaving texts, but Eddie won’t respond,” he explains, hating how pathetic he must sound._ _

__“How are you going to make it right to _Carlos_ ,” Maddie corrects. “He’s the one you were a jerk to and he’s the one you owe an apology.” She says it like it’s obvious and it really is. Buck knows she’s right, even if he’s not sure how he’s going to go about doing it. _ _

__“Don’t worry, Buck, I don’t know that Eddie has it in him to be mad at you for long,” Chim says earnestly. “Especially if you’ve apologized.”_ _

__“You didn’t see him,” Buck grumbles, Eddie’s face seared into his mind._ _

__“Maybe it will help if you explain to him why you were acting that way,” Maddie suggests gently._ _

__“He won’t want to hear it. It will only make things worse,” Buck sighs, knowing from experience that you can’t fix one mess with another one._ _

__“Or it could make it even better,” Chim counters._ _

__“You guys don’t get it.”_ _

__“So explain it to us, if you feel comfortable,” Maddie adds, both of them looking at him as if he was made of glass and could break at any moment. Or maybe they’re just looking at him like they know something he doesn’t._ _

__He likes Eddie. He _wants_ Eddie. It still feels strange to admit to himself, let alone tell anyone else. What’s the point? Eddie doesn’t want him back. Even so, that doesn’t take away his feelings. _ _

__“I think...No, I _know_ I like Eddie.” Buck braces himself for their reaction; waits for their shock and surprise. _ _

__Nothing._ _

__“I _like_ him, like him,” Buck adds, waiting for it to click. _ _

__Nada._ _

__“Guys, I like Eddie, like, _romantically_.”_ _

__Have they gone into shock?_ _

__“Oh, shit, you’re waiting for us to be surprised,” Chim starts, shaking his head with the realization. “What? You? Like Eddie? No waaaay,” Chim continues, voice entirely deadpan as Maddie swats at his arm._ _

__“Wait, you knew?”_ _

__“Evan,” Maddie says with a small laugh, wrapping her arms around him to hug him tightly. “I’m pretty sure you and Eddie are the only two people who didn’t.”_ _

____

* * *

The bed dips beside him as Carlos crawls under the covers. Eddie spent so many years without the heat of another adult next to him, he had forgotten what it felt like to have the weight of someone curled against his back and not curled away trying to create as much space as possible between them. The cold of an empty bed was preferable to the chill of a bed shared with someone who didn’t want to be there.

But this, this is nice, even if it is just for a time. 

It took him a long time to learn how to be held. It had taken him even longer to learn it was okay for it to come from a friend. Carlos had always been patient with him; kind and understanding as Eddie learned how to ask for what he hadn’t even known he needed. 

There was nothing romantic to their touches any more, but that makes them no less meaningful. 

Eddie can’t help but relax against Carlos, trying to provide him as much comfort as he was receiving. Carlos who gives so much of himself, who pours every ounce of energy and care into others with no regard for himself. Carlos may not care that Eddie isn’t the friend he deserves, but Eddie certainly does. 

He can be better. He _will_ be better. 

“Want to hear the itinerary tomorrow? I don’t want you to think that just because Chris is with my Abuela that we’re going to waste the morning.” 

“I say this with all the love in the world, but can we please do nothing tomorrow,” Carlos begs, flopping one long arm around him. 

“I actually thought we could—”

“Eddie, you have been an excellent tour guide, really, but I came here to see _you_.”

“You have seen me. Okay, I know I have had to work a few shifts, but you knew that before coming out.”

Carlos sighs, tugging on Eddie’s arm until he‘s facing him. “Let me say this a different way. I don’t need this trip to be perfect. I don’t need _you_ to be perfect. I came out here to see my best friend, which means hearing about how you’re doing. The good, the bad and the ugly.”

“You don’t need to hear about my crap. I want you to have a good time.” 

“I’m having a great time, you idiot. You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect for me to enjoy hanging out with you.”

“I’m not pretending,” Eddie says weakly. 

“So we’re just going to keep ignoring that fight you had with Buck the other night?”

“I don’t want you wasting your trip on my drama. It isn’t about me, it’s my turn to take care of you for once.”

“First off, your drama makes me feel less terrible about my own. Secondly, you’re always there for me. We’re supposed to talk about things. It’s part of the deal,” Carlos goads, tapping his forehead gently against Eddie’s. “Tell me about this boy you like.”

“Shut up.”

“This is my trip. Be a good host and tell me what I want to know.”

“That’s cheating,” Eddie sulks, narrowing his eyes. “My best friend was being mean to my other best friend. Happy now?”

“And?”

“It sucks,” Eddie says flatly. 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No.” 

“Eddie,” Carlos exclaims, laughing in exasperation. 

“ _What_? What do you want me to say,” Eddie huffs. 

“I like you is a good start. Or, if you think that will be too subtle, you could always go with I want to romance you, baby. I’m pretty sure there are some gestures you can use to really get the point across.”

“You’re such a loser,” Eddie groans, rolling to face the other direction. Carlos is quick to manhandle him, hooking his leg around Eddie’s thigh and using the momentum to roll them until somehow they’re facing each other again. Eddie can’t help but let out a surprised noise (it was NOT a squeak) and soon he can’t help but smile at how ridiculous it all is. 

“I may be a loser, but at least I can tell the boy I like that I’m into him,” Carlos points out gently, scrunching his nose in mockery of Eddie’s scowl. 

“I told him I liked him, okay? I said I want you and he just looked at me like I had grown a second head.”

“Did you even give him a chance to respond before asking him to leave?” Carlos shakes his head, rubbing his hand through Eddie’s hair in a way that always managed to calm him down. “Did you ever stop to think about why he might be jealous?” 

“Because he wasn’t the center of attention for once?” The words lay bitter on Eddie’s tongue and he knows he doesn’t mean it. At least, not as harshly as it comes out. 

“Or because he wasn’t the center of _your_ attention.”

“Why are you on his side? He has been nothing but a dick to you,” Eddie argues, pushing away at the hope Carlos’ words inspire. It’s never going to happen. Buck isn’t interested in him in that way and he’s fine with it, he is, he accepted long ago he’ll accept Buck in whatever way was offered to him. 

“Hey, hey,” Carlos soothes, rubbing calming circles on his back. “I’m on _your_ side. You’ve been talking about this guy for over a year. And yes, he has been rude, but if he’s acting this out of character maybe there is a reason for it.” 

“You always do this,” Eddie gruffs.

“I always do what?” 

“You always make excuses for people treating you like crap or taking advantage of you,” Eddie sighs, hating this wince in Carlos’ eyes. They’re no longer just talking about Buck. 

“Needing help and support isn’t the same as taking advantage of someone,” Carlos points out gently and Eddie knows it’s directed at him and he hates it.

“Damaged people lead to damaged relationships.” He should know. 

“You can be hurting and still worthy of love,” Carlos points out. That hasn’t been Eddie’s experience.

“Maybe we can still be worthy of love, but that doesn’t mean the people we’re with don’t deserve better.” 

“You’re not damaged, Eddie,” Carlos sighs, wrapping him in a tight hug. “No relationship is perfect. No one person is perfect.” Eddie winces at the words. He knows that, logically he knows that, but when he lines up his failings what can possibly make him worth all the baggage he carries with him? “Don’t you think you deserve to be happy?”

“Honestly, most days I’d be content with a little less lonely,” Eddie admits, closing his eyes against whatever look Carlos might be giving him. 

“Yeah, me too.” Eddie’s eyes pop open at that, scanning Carlos’ expression and finding understanding. How could someone as _good_ as Carlos feel lonely? It doesn’t make any sense. 

He’s not sure who leans forward first, but they share a kiss. There is no heat or passion, both men knowing the other wishes it were someone else; both men accepting that it’s better than the loneliness they’ve been feeling. 

“Why can’t we be in love with each other,” Eddie sighs as he pulls back, resting his head against his pillow.

“Because we’re better at loving each other than being in love with each other,” Carlos offers gently, resting his head against Eddie’s shoulder. “It may not be romantic love, but that doesn’t make it any less important. I wouldn’t trade what we have for the world.” 

“Yeah, me neither,” Eddie agrees, finding Carlos’ hand and giving it a squeeze. “I do think you’re going to find your happiness, Carlos,” Eddie offers, meaning it with all his heart.

“I think we both will.” They stay there for a time, both thinking about the men that aren’t in the room with them that still somehow manage to take up so much space. 

“TK does remind me of you in some ways. You’re incredibly different, but similar too.”

“Because we’re both damaged,” Eddie offers as a joke, but they both know he’s not entirely joking. 

“You’re both so hard on yourselves. You don’t see the good you offer, but I do,” Carlos continues. “You’d do anything for family, blood relation or no. You’re self-sacrificing. Always kind to everyone but yourselves.” Oh, that’s not so bad. 

“Does he make you happy?” 

“Yeah, he does.”

“Tell me about it?” Carlos smiles at Eddie’s question. Eddie listens until his eyes grow weary and he can’t stop yawning. He listens until Carlos falls asleep mid-sentence, nestling in as Eddie brings the blanket up under his chin. 

Carlos deserves to be happy, he hopes wherever TK is he knows that too. He thinks he probably does. 

Eddie feels light when he wakes up, even with nearly two hundred pounds of solid muscle lying on top of him. 

They spend the day doing nothing. It’s the best day they’ve had so far. He catches Carlos sneaking texts on his phone, a silly little grin on his face. TK must have finally reached out to him and he's happy for Carlos, he is, but it makes that empty space beside him that much more present.

Around dinner time he finally finds the nerve to check Buck’s texts. 

“Any interesting messages?”

Eddie rolls his eyes at Carlos’ snooping, tucking his phone back in his pocket. He can respond to Buck later.

“Buck says sorry.” 

“That’s nice. Are you going to invite him over?”

“No, I think I learned my lesson on that front.”

“Are you sure? Maybe— Okay, okay, forget I asked,” Carlos responds, holding his hands up in defeat at the look on Eddie’s face. 

“I think we’ve had enough weird tension for one trip.”

“Oh, because you really helped matters,” Carlos replies with a snort. 

“What does that mean?”

“Hmm, let me think. Oh, I know! Remember that time you told the guy you liked, the same guy who had been acting like a jealous fool, that you were sharing a bed with another man,” Carlos asks innocently, biting his lip to keep from laughing. 

Eddie narrows his eyes in response, lunging forward and knocking him to the ground playfully. They become a tangle of limbs and laughter as they wrestle on the floor. Carlos takes advantage of Eddie’s shirt riding up, torturing his exposed skin with his fingers as he finds an especially ticklish spot. Eddie flips them until he is on top, straddling Carlos’ hips as he fights to pin Carlos' arms above his head to stop his attack. 

A clearing throat catches his attention. 

“Buck?”


	5. Chapter 5

“Buck?”

Blue eyes take in the sight of the pair of them on the floor, tangled and flushed with exertion. Carlos’ hand rests on a stretch of exposed skin on Eddie’s side where his shirt has ridden up. It’s a scratch of perfectly muscled skin marred only by the hand that should belong to him. 

Would there have been more exposed skin if he hadn’t made his presence known? Would they have become a tangle of limbs on a bed instead of the floor or would they even be able to wait that long? 

A flair of jealousy licks through him, but Buck doesn’t leave. If he leaves he’ll be haunted with what might be happening, if he stays at least he’ll know. 

Suddenly they’re in a standoff as if they’re all waiting to see who will make the first move. In the end it’s Eddie and of course it is. “Hey, Buck, what are you doing here,” he asks, untangling himself from Carlos to get to his feet. 

“I brought food,” Buck offers, lifting the bag of takeout with one hand. He wasn’t sure what all Carlos would like so he got a bit of...everything. All of Eddie’s favorites from five different restaurants. It’s far too excessive for three people, but he’s making amends. You don’t make amends with McDonald's. “And beer,” Buck adds, as if the case of beer in his left hand didn’t make it obvious. “It may not be PBR, but that’s only because I thought we should go with something that tastes better than dirty water.” 

“I don’t—”

“I invited him for dinner and movies,” Carlos cuts in, looking at Buck with a friendly smile from his seat on the floor. 

“Wait. What. You did? _When_?”

“We’ve been texting. Haven’t we, Buck,” Carlos smiles, looking incredibly pleased with himself for pulling one over on Eddie. 

“Um, yeah. I got his number from Athena. It was brought to my attention that I’ve been kind of an asshole and I wanted to apologize,” Buck admits and while it was Carlos he owed the apology to, he can’t but look for Eddie’s forgiveness as well. 

“Yep, we’re all good now,” Carlos confirms. It hadn’t been a fun conversation, but he’s glad he swallowed his pride to make the call. This would have all been so much easier if Carlos was an asshole. 

Eddie still looks confused, but his expression softens and a tension Buck knows he is responsible for leaves his shoulders. 

“Now, about that food,” Carlos says excitedly, moving to get off the floor. “Let’s grab some plates!”

“No, no, you sit. You’re the guest.” _And I’m not,_ Buck lets go unsaid. Look, he’s trying, but he’s not a saint. “I’ll get everything we need. You just relax,” Buck insists, dropping the food off on the coffee table before moving quickly to the kitchen before Eddie can change his mind and ask him to leave. 

Eddie follows quietly behind him, pulling three bottles of beer out of the case before placing the rest in the fridge. “Look, Buck, about what you walked in on…”

“You two were just goofing around, I get it,” Buck says as nonchalantly as he can, hoping Eddie doesn’t correct him. 

Eddie picks at the label of one of the beer bottles. “I mean, about what you heard—”

“I didn’t hear anything. Why, were you talking about me?”

“ _No_ ,” Eddie blurts, far _far_ too quickly. Oh, so they were talking about him. He supposes that’s fair after the way he’s been acting. “You’ve really been texting Carlos?”

“I called him first, when you were at work. I didn’t want to interrupt your time together. I know...I don’t have any excuse, Eddie. I’m going to make things right, though. I swear to you I am.” Eddie is looking at him with an expression he can’t quite place, but he’s not kicking him out so he takes it as a good sign. Eddie stands close enough that their arms brush and it feels like home. 

“I just wish I knew what happened,” Eddie admits, looking at him as though the answer will appear on Buck’s forehead if he stares long enough. 

“I got jealous,” Buck winces, suddenly far more interested in looking at the cleanliness of the silverware than at Eddie’s face. “I’m pretty sure you’re the first best friend I’ve ever had. Seeing you two together…”

“That’s the problem with you youngest siblings, you never know how to share,” Eddie teases him, bumping Buck’s hip with his own and just like that Buck knows they’re okay. “Just don’t do it again, okay?” 

“Scout’s honor.”

“You weren’t a scout,” Eddie points out with a smirk. 

“No, but I would have looked adorable in that outfit.” Eddie rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to make a comment but he seems to think better of it, turning to leave the kitchen as Buck grabs some paper towels. Eddie pauses in the door frame, looking back over at Buck. 

“For what it’s worth, Buck, I think of you as my best friend too. I’m pretty damn lucky to have two of them,” he says softly, a lopsided grin on his stupidly perfect face. Eddie taps the door frame with his knuckles, before turning and leaving. 

Buck forces himself to take a breath before he can shout out something stupid like _I could be more, if you’ll just let me. I’ll be anything you want me to be._

Right, he’s got this. He can be normal. 

Buck walks back into the living room to drop off the supplies and finds Eddie and Carlos sitting on opposite ends of the couch. They’re about to settle into an evening of greasy food and cheesy movies. It makes the most sense for him to take the recliner. Eddie’s couch is not meant for three grown men, especially not three grown men as tall as they are. 

Still, the idea of having to sit on the recliner while they get cosy during the movie, the idea of watching them relax into each other as he sits off to the side…

Buck makes himself at home on the middle cushion of the couch.

What? He’s working on not being jealous, that doesn’t mean he’s there yet. Baby steps.

* * *

“Honestly Eddie, you should have told me how hilarious he is,” Buck laughs, wiping away his tears from Carlos’ story about the mascot fight at a high school football game. Eddie gets it, Carlos has a flair for storytelling.

“Yeah, Eddie. You couldn’t even be bothered to talk me up a little bit,” Carlos huffs. “To be fair, Eddie has always been the _worst_ wingman.” 

“Hey, that’s not true!”

“Oh, it’s true,” Carlos declares with a laugh. “What can you expect from someone who has never asked out someone in his life? He has no idea what he’s doing.”

“Wait, you’ve seriously never asked someone out,” Buck asks incredulously, looking at him like he’s suddenly turned into an alien. 

“I’m sure I’ve asked someone out,” he purposefully mumbles, grabbing for his beer bottle. 

“He hasn’t,” Carlos responds, the self-appointed record keeper for his love life. “Poor guy, he’s so pretty he’s never learned how, interested parties simply come to him. Me, Shannon, Tina in the fifth grade,” he continues, happily ignoring Eddie’s best death glare. “So keep that in mind. If there is ever anyone that’s interested in him they need to be ready to make the first move.” 

He’s going to kill him; he’s going to smother Carlos in his sleep. Carlos is a cop, he knows the murder will be justified. Oh, Carlos thinks he’s being cute, but Eddie knows him too well. He’s trying to plant seeds with a straight man. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. He already had his near heart attack thinking Buck heard his confession. One close call was enough for an evening. 

He feels hot under Buck’s gaze; embarrassed and flustered. “What?”

“I’m surprised is all,” Buck teases, knocking his knee with his own. “I always assumed you’d have game.” 

“What does that even mean,” Eddie groans, flopping his head back against the couch to look at the ceiling. 

“See what I mean, Buck? Hopeless.” They’ve clearly bonded over ganging up on him. Why did he want them to hang out again?

“I hate you both,” Eddie grumbles. 

“You love us,” Carlos counters and it’s true. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a bathroom break before we start the next movie. 

Carlos isn’t gone ten seconds before Buck stretches his long legs over the spot Carlos left empty, leaning his back against Eddie’s side with his ankles hanging over the side of the couch. “Just need to stretch a bit,” Buck explains and Eddie’s certainly not complaining. He’d been surprised when Buck joined them on the couch, but he didn’t mind. It’s always nice having Buck close. “He’s a really great guy.”

“He’s okay,” Eddie dismisses, even as his heart sings at Buck’s words. He _knew_ they’d like each other. He knew it! 

“He’s no _me_ , but—”

“Shut up,” Eddie laughs, twisting to grab Buck in a loose headlock, ruffling his hair with his other hand. Buck does nothing to escape his hold, simply smiling up with him with those impossibly blue eyes. He releases him reluctantly as Carlos enters the room with another round of beers. 

“No, no, stay where you are,” Carlos insists as Buck moves to free up Carlos’ previous spot. “Honestly, I need to stretch out for a bit. You guys take the couch.” Carlos shoots him an anything but subtle look, already moving to take the recliner. Eddie might be a shit wingman, but Carlos has always been a master. A shame he is ignoring the fact Eddie has never asked for his services. 

He waits for Buck to take the other end of the couch, but to his surprise he stays where he is sprawled out against Eddie. It’s— 

It’s nice. 

It’d be perfect if Carlos wasn’t looking at them with a wistful gaze he is doing his very best to hide. “Still nothing from TK?”

Carlos looks surprised at the question and he suddenly worries he crossed a line asking that in front of Buck. “Uh--No, no, he’s still respecting my space.” 

“You should tell him to stop,” Buck offers, surprising them both with his input. “I mean, if that’s what you want. With my ex...I didn’t say a lot of things I needed to say. I didn’t ask a lot of questions I should have asked, probably because I didn’t want to know the answers. If I could do it again I’d be direct, I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache.” 

“Good advice.” Carlos looks at him and would he stop doing that? It’s different. He knows it’s different. Carlos grabs his phone from his pocket and sends off a quick text. “I guess it’s in his hands now.” 

“I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you,” Buck says genuinely, offering Carlos a grin of understanding. This is the Buck he knows, this is the Buck he has told Carlos all about. This is the Buck he loves. 

Within seconds Carlos’ phone lights up with an incoming call. “I ah...Not to be rude, but—”

“Go talk to your boy,” Eddie grins, nodding his head towards the back where Carlos can get some privacy. Carlos gives them both an apologetic smile, leaving the room to go answer the call. “That was good of you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Buck says, brushing it off. 

“You did more than me. Should we start the other movie? They might be awhile.”

“I’d like that.”

* * *

Buck has always struggled to pay attention during movies. He likes them well enough, but most of them are so long. He always finds his mind wandering to something else, like how Carlos’ conversation is going, or how long that lego has been hiding in the corner, or how nice Eddie smells. All that to say he has a habit of fidgeting, struggling to get comfortable enough to pay attention to a plot he’s already lost on.

So he fidgets, and he wiggles, and he somehow ends up with his head in Eddie’s lap. Totally normal bro behavior. Eddie doesn’t seem to think anything of it, calmly playing with his hair in a way he has seen him do with Chris countless times before. 

It’s hard not to lean into the touch, sighing contently as Eddie scratches his nails against his scalp gently. If only he’d pull on the ends— 

Nope, not going there. 

“You weren’t on the phone long,” Eddie states, startling Buck out of his daze as Carlos resumes his seat on the recliner. 

“I told him we could talk more later, that I was spending time with my friends. I’m working on not always dropping everything for others,” Carlos states simply, clearly alluding to a talk he’s had with Eddie, probably more than once. 

“Good for you,” Eddie says fondly, his fingers still playing with Buck’s hair. 

“Judd says hi by the way.”

“Judd,” Buck can’t help but ask, silently hoping it’s not another surprise ex-boyfriend. 

“A firefighter that works with TK,” Eddie explains. “Good guy. When I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to be a paramedic, firefighter or something else completely, Carlos set me up with a chance to shadow the house in Austin. Judd showed me around. Honestly, that guy kept me sane during the academy.”

“I didn’t know that,” Buck says dumbly, as if he somehow could have without Eddie telling him. 

“Yeah, the truth is Carlos is the reason I’m out here at all. It’s not like I had ample spare time to look up programs and do applications, but Carlos here helped me through it.”

“I tried to convince him to stay in Texas, but he couldn’t resist the siren call of California,” Carlos sighs fondly. 

Carlos is the reason Eddie is out here. Carlos helped steer Eddie into Buck’s life. Carlos is the reason he has a best friend. 

Fuck. 

“Sounds like I really owe you one,” Buck says, but that didn’t even come close. He owes him everything. 

“Watch out for him and we’ll call it even,” Carlos smiles, looking at the two of them with what might be fondness. 

“Deal,” Buck promises, turning his gaze up at Eddie, his long fingers still curled in Buck’s hair. “I’ll always have his back.”

“I’ll always have yours.” 

They fall into a comfortable silence, half-watching a movie none of them really cares about. He doesn’t mind, because as soon as the movie is over he knows he’ll have to go. He wants to stay for just a little bit longer. He doesn’t want to go home to be alone. 

The movie ends as movies always do and he has no choice but to slowly lift himself up and out of Eddie’s touch. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Eddie says after Buck has said goodnight to Carlos and it’s strange, he hasn’t done that in a really long time. Buck hovers at the front door, not wanting to leave but knowing it’s time. Eddie doesn’t seem in a rush to shut the front door so they both stand there, neither one pulling away. “Look, Buck, I’m really glad you came over. It means a lot to me.” 

“Of course, I’m just sorry it took me so long.” And he is, he’s so terribly sorry. Carlos only has a few days left in town and he wants to get to know him better. He’s Eddie’s friend, but he thinks he could be his friend too. 

“And look, not that you care, but for the record I’m not sleeping with him.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to—”

“I know, but I wanted you to know that. We’re just friends. I haven’t been interested in him in that way for a very long time.” 

“Okay,” Buck says, because what else can he say without completing giving himself away? “I get it, it’s just sleep. Does that mean I get to crash in your bed next time I stay over,” he jokes and what the ever-loving-fuck is _wrong_ with him? “Because your couch really is uncomfortable,” he rushes to add. For sleeping. It would probably be great for other things. 

“What? I mean, yeah, sure, if you’d like. Open invite.” As soon as Eddie says it he looks like he’s swallowed a lemon and Buck knows he’s going to spend all night over-analyzing what exactly that means. 

“Cool.” Cool??? That’s it, he’s clearly broken. 

“Cool. Night, Buck.” 

“Night, Eddie.”

He’s an actual disaster.


	6. Chapter 6

“No more moping. You’ve had me for two weeks,” Carlos teases, wrapping Eddie in a firm hug.

“I don’t want you to go,” Eddie admits, burying his forehead against Carlos’ shoulder. He knows he’s being ridiculous, but having Carlos here made him realize how much he has missed him. Their friendship has always been made up with long stretches without seeing each other, but that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. The past two weeks went by too quickly.

“I can always come back or you could come visit me. It will be good to remind your son of his Texas roots.”

“Hey, he’s still a Texan.”

“The boy surfs, Eddie. He _surfs_.”

Eddie can’t help but laugh at his friend’s antics, shoving him playfully as they stand beside the security line at the airport. They’re both lingering, neither one quite ready to put an end to this visit. Both of them knowing sooner rather than later Carlos will have to leave and head back to his regular life. “You’re just jealous he’s cooler than you.”

“Oh, always,” Carlos agrees earnestly. “I’m really glad I came out, Eddie. It’s nice to see you so settled and at home somewhere. It’s a good look on you.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say to that so he hugs him again instead. Texas might be where he came from, but California is home. The first home where he felt he really belonged, the first home he can see a future for himself in. “It’s nice to be settled,” he says after a time, pulling back from the hug, but resting his hands on Carlos’ elbows to keep him close.

“You know you’re allowed to be more than settled, right? You deserve to be happy,” Carlos adds gently, holding him in place with his gaze.

“I’m happy.”

“But could you be happier?”

“I’m happy enough,” Eddie signs, shifting uncomfortably. This is not a conversation he wants to have in public; this isn’t a conversation he wants to have at all.

“Look, I know you don’t need to be with someone to be happy, but I also know how great it can be to be in love. You know better than anyone that you can’t assume there will be more time. You like Buck so tell him already.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not? What’s the worst that can happen? He doesn’t like you back. Fine, you still have your friend. We survived a breakup, you two can survive an awkward conversation. At least you’ll know and you can move on. But what if he likes you back, Eddie? What if you could be great together?”

Eddie has learned not to hope. It never works out well for him.

“Get out of that pretty little head of yours,” Carlos chides. “Just...think about it, okay? It won’t kill you to make the first move for once in your life.”

“It might,” Eddie says dryly, laughing as Carlos play punches his arm. “Okay, okay, I’ll try. In return you have to do something for me.”

“Oh,” Carlos questions, looking at him apprehensively. “What would that be?”

“You deserve to be a priority. If you love this guy go get him, but make him work for it a little. You deserve to be wooed,” Eddie winks, pulling Carlos into one last hug before he has to say goodbye. “Go be stupidly happy.”

“You too,” Carlos responds, hugging him back just as strongly. “Let’s not go so long without seeing each other, okay?”

“Deal.”

Carlos pulls away, pulling his bag higher on his shoulder before walking to the security line. Eddie makes it nearly to the sliding doors before Carlos calls out to him. “Oh, and Eddie, next time you’re in Texas I expect you to bring that boyfriend of yours. Go get him!”

Eddie shakes his head, flipping Carlos the bird before stepping back out into the California sun, Carlos’ laugh following behind him.

* * *

Carlos is heading back to Texas and now things can get back to normal.

Right?

Only, something has already shifted. Buck is in love with Eddie. Not just that, he has been blindly, stupidly, _desperately_ in love with him and he doesn’t know how to shove that truth back inside. As scary as it is to admit, he doesn’t even know if he should. He had nearly ruined everything hiding from the truth of his feelings once before.

_If there is ever anyone that’s interested in him they need to be ready to make the first move._

It couldn’t be that simple. Eddie must know how he feels. Even if he didn’t before, it must be painfully obvious by now.

It couldn’t be that simple.

Eddie...Eddie deserves that world. He doesn’t need a mess of a man complicating his life any further. Where Eddie is steady and patient, he’s impulsive and reckless. Where they compliment each other as friends they will drive each other crazy as anything more. There are a million reasons why wanting to date Eddie is a bad idea, yet he yearns. He yearns for the love that he has always sought, but has continued to elude him.

The thing is, he knows it’s all or nothing when it comes to Eddie. It will either be never or forever.

As much as the possibility of never scares him, so does the idea of forever. He can be enough for an hour, a day, maybe even a few months, but forever? He’s not sure he’s made the right way, if he has all the pieces, to make that work.

But for Eddie?

For Eddie he would do whatever it took to make it work.

He needs to talk to him, needs to lay things out on the line before he loses his nerve, but before he can do anything he sees he has a text from Eddie.

He wants to talk.

Oh.

Maybe he hasn’t fully forgiven him for being rude to Carlos. Maybe he wants to tell him off. Or maybe, maybe he is going to let Buck down gently before this gets out of hand. Rip the bandaid, right? This won’t be his first broken heart. He can survive this one too. At least this time he’ll get a proper ending, Eddie would never simply disappear.

Eddie lets himself into Buck apartment an hour later without knocking and it feels right. He’s never had a friend so at home in his space, like they belong and aren’t simply visiting.

“Carlos make it to the airport okay?”

“Boarded his flight about twenty minutes ago,” Eddie confirms, sitting down across from him at the table.

“Look Eddie—”

“Actually I...Can I go first? Please. I just...I want to make sure I get this out,” Eddie interrupts, leg bouncing furiously in what Buck is startled to realize is a nervous gesture. He’s not sure he has ever seen Eddie fidget before. Even when he’s nervous, even when the adrenaline is coursing through his veins he is steady. It’s strange to see him so out of sorts.

“Okay,” Buck says simply, voice soft as he braces for what’s coming next.

“I think I’m in love with you. No, no, I _am_ in love with you. And I know, I know you don’t feel the same way, but I need you to know Buck. I need you to know so I can move on and stop pining over you, because the only thing I want is for you to be happy,” Eddie rushes. Buck’s trying to process what he’s hearing, but nothing is making sense. “Buck?”

“What?”

Eddie’s face falls before steeling into something unreadable. “I know this is awkward and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t have to change anything, okay? I don’t expect anything from you. You’re one of my best friends and I don’t want this to change that. So tell me that this doesn’t have to change anything. Please?”

“This is wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie sighs, wincing slightly as he moves to get up. He’s leaving. No, no, he doesn’t want him to leave.

“Eddie,” he starts, grabbing Eddie’s hand to keep him from leaving. “It’s wrong because I’m supposed to be the one with the speech.”

“What?”

“I’m supposed to declare my love for you and _you’re_ supposed to turn me down,” Buck explains with a confused laugh, sounding like a madman and wondering if maybe that’s what he is. This doesn’t make any sense. None of this makes any sense.

“I don’t want to turn you down, Buck.”

“Well, I don’t want to turn you down either.”

Eddie wants to be with him. Eddie. This Eddie. His Eddie. He should say something, but what could he say to match how he feels? Buck forgoes words, rising to meet Eddie and claiming his lips with his own. Eddie’s tense under his touch, but he can be patient, peppering soft kisses on Eddie’s mouth until he feels him kissing him back.

And _oh_ , there Eddie is, pushing forward with an intensity he hadn’t dared to hope for. Eddie’s tongue is licking into his mouth, fingers pressing moon shaped prints into his hips as he memorizes the feel of Eddie’s lips beneath his own.

The need for air has him pulling back slightly, pressing his forehead against Eddie’s. “Fuck, I knew you’d be good at that.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Eddie chuckles, the soft puff of breath teasing his skin. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

“How long?”

“I don’t think I fully admitted it to myself until the tsunami, but before.”

“That long?”

“That long,” Eddie admits, resting his large hand against Buck’s neck, his thumb tracing the line of Buck’s jaw.

“How long were you planning on keeping that to yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie shrugs. “Forever?”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Buck says softly, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. “What happened to you never being the one to make the first move?”

“You,” Eddie smiles, leaning forward to steal another kiss. Not that he needs to, he can have every kiss he wants. All of Buck’s kisses are for him from here on out. “You are worth the risk. I just...needed a little push to get there.”

“God, I really owe that guy like a fruit basket or something.”

Eddie laughs and it’s the best sound in the world.

* * *

The humid Texas air hits his skin and Carlos knows he’s home.

Tomorrow he will go back to work and life will resume as normal. He’s the same person who left two weeks ago, but he feels lighter now, more centered. There is a conversation he needs to have, one he feels better prepared to handle now that his head is on straight.

Carlos pulls his suitcase out of the trunk of the Uber, pulling out his phone to text Eddie he made it home when he spots a familiar figure in front of his door.

“TK?”

“Hey, uh, Michelle said you were coming back today. I wasn’t sure what time so I wanted to surprise you,” TK explains, face red from the sun, shirt sticking to him with sweat and a bouquet of wilted flowers in his hand.

“You’ve been here for awhile.” Hours by the look of it.

“I wanted to see you,” TK states, stepping closer to him and wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. “These were a lot nicer when I got here.”

“They’re great,” Carlos smiles, taking the offered flowers. They’re a mess, but he can still see how beautiful they once were. It’s a sweet gesture, one he hadn’t been expecting. “Thanks, TK.”

“I missed you,” TK breathes, reaching out to lace his fingers through his own. “I know...I know we have some stuff to work on, that _I_ have some stuff to work on, but I’m ready to do the work, okay? I want this. I want you.”

“I’d like that.”

“So what do you think, can I come in,” TK asks, so full of hope, looking at him with a longing that squeezes Carlos’ heart and puts butterflies in his stomach.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, but,” Carlos adds quickly, wanting nothing more than to take the sting of rejection out of TK’s expression, “you can take me to dinner on Friday.”

“Dinner?”

“On Friday,” Carlos confirms. “On a proper date, just you and me. Then, depending on how the date goes, maybe I’ll let you come in. Just know that I expect to be properly seduced first.”

TK smiles, squeezing his hand gently. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that. I’ll see you soon, TK,” Carlos grins, moving to let himself into his place. He waves a goodbye to the other man, trying not to smile at the befuddled expression on his face. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, not bothering to say hi when the other side picks up.

“Guess who has a date on Friday?”

“Hey, that’s what I was going to say,” Eddie laughs and Carlos can’t help but pump his fist in the air.

“You actually did it.”

“I figured it was less painful than having you bug me about it forever.”

“True,” Carlos grins, flopping himself on the couch. “Tell Buck he has to come with you the next time you visit. We can double date.”

“Miss me that much already?”

“Shut up and say you’re in.”

“Carlos, I can either shut up or say something. I can’t do both so you’re really going to have to pick—”

“Say you’re in, loser.”

“I’m in, loser,” Eddie teases and even if he can’t see him, Carlos knows Eddie is smirking. They’re happy. They both get to be happy.

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me through to the end! Your kudos and comments have meant the world to me. THANK YOU ALL!


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